[Mageia-discuss] Cultural difference: "Let your yes be yes" <---> "It is rude to say no"
andre999mga at laposte.net
Fri Jul 13 04:47:29 CEST 2012
Marja van Waes a écrit :
> On 12/07/2012 21:06, Johnny A. Solbu wrote:
>> On Thursday 12 July 2012 18:20, Marja van Waes wrote:
>>> Now that is hard, when you grow up in a "no is rude" area and then move
>>> to "Holland". You continue to say "yes", because saying "no" feels like
>>> a major sin, but now you're expected to *do* all those thing you said
>>> you'd do. :-(
>> But ofcorse you're expected to keep your promisses. If you know that
>> you ain't goint to, or can't do it, why on earth do you promise to do
>> it in the first place?
> Excactly, that is what I thought, because I picked that up very fast.
> So what I got into, was that I said yes and did yes, even if I
> couldn't. So it could happen that I was doing the 100% tasks of 3
> persons at the same time. No, that didn't go well.. one time I was
> continually answering the phone and the doorbell for an organisation,
> cooking for 35 people at the same time and looking after two very
> young children who were in a room that was dangerous to very young
> children. At one point I answered the phone and couldn't make words
> any more, what I said were senseless sounds
Yes, that I can believe of Marja ;)
(Which reminds me, my dutch aunt was a bit like that. She was always
hosting the family reunions, spending all her time taking care of
> It took very many years before I learnt that saying "no" isn't the
> very evil thing I thought it was.
> The reason I started this thread, is that I sometimes have the
> impression that we have some contributors in Mageia, who haven't
> really learnt to say "no" or "it is ready when it is ready"
> Instead of telling them they are liars, I hope we'll have more
> compassion on them.
> I hope we'll ask: "Hey, what happened? Were you ill? Did you have too
> much to do for your day time job? You said you'd finish this task
> before last week and it still isn't finished"
Or just be more realistic.
Don't forget that often people will say yes because they would like to
do something, without seriously considering the various demands on their
time. They think it is a good idea, and they want to contribute. (I
tend to be somewhat like that.)
So it is not only people saying "yes" when they mean "no".
And once they have said "yes", like almost everyone, they find it more
difficult to say "no" later on. After all, they still think it is
something that should be done.
So using the concept of "lying", those accusing others of "lying" could
be seen as largely stretching the truth. (Or simply being blind to
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